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And then very soon even my reputation didn’t protect me and I was forced to talk. I tried at first to be elusive and hoped that it would be mistaken for some kind of new poetry that maybe I could chance upon having invented, and this felt akin to something like curling my toes over the edge of a diving board with the vertiginous faces staring me down. Good or bad, being near the edge makes for an interesting spectacle and my peers were watching to see if I would jump or fall.

This was all a terrible time for me. My anxiety now re-surfaced to crippling levels and my honorary lecturing position …